The grace of getting up again?

It does not matter how many times you fall over, just that you get up again, sometimes that is the only difference between a successful life and a crash landing. The greatest ability you can have is to get up again when you have been repeatedly knock down on your ass by the universe singling you out for it's personal attention in a game where you are the mole in whack a mole, and in the end it is the only skill that matters if we want to carry on playing the game of life. Starting again is the single option that we have, we did not choose to play this game, we were just throw in and no one told us the rules, we have to figure it out whilst being whacked, there is no rest bite, no moment to get our heads together, no dignity, and no, it is not fair. The only rational reaction and if you are lucky you can find the humour, is to start laughing, find it endless amusing, give up the chance to style it out, stop pretending that you have any control over the situation or that you meant to fall over, because when you do at least you have a chance to have some presence with a state of grace, easy and joy where you get to stand up again smile and walk knowingly into the next fall.

This takes practice and acceptance, you have to give up your rigid perfectionism, your wish to be strong, unflappable, capable of dealing with any situation, a relentless winner who can do no wrong and where everything comes easily, a natural talent. That sort of easy life makes for a good fantasy, but reality is always more complicated, harder and more satisfying, it does not build resilience in the face of defeat and failure, the better story is the comeback, losing it all, working for years out smarting the system, changing the rules and then getting it back again. It is in rebuilding that we get to build something better without the faults that were inherent in the old design, that we could not do anything about because they were there from the beginning, even if we did not realise it at the time. It is the ultimate cure for arrogance and hubris, though it can be a kill or cure kind of treatment, that is the thing with falling down we do not always get up again, but if we do we get to be better for the experience. I would not wish ill fortune on anyone, but it is what lifts people up and makes them strong, better versions of themselves.

When such chance to be better comes along, take advantage of it in anyway you can, relish the opportunity, no matter how much it hurts to fall or how long it takes you to get up again. If you need to collapse in tears and laughter, take the time it takes, but when you do get up, do so with the deliberate intention of standing on your feet again, enjoy every moment of your recovery, do not pretend that you never really fell over or that you intend to fall, be the example of learning the honest lessons that pain teaches us. This is what acceptance is, to acknowledge every aspect of that indignity, share your foolishness, failings, the damage to your ego, laugh at how ridiculous you feel because that is being human, a real whole and complete human because how can you have empathy for others if you have never felt what it is like to fall. It is probably the most universal experience that we have, no one escapes it and if they did they would be feared, unrelatable and dangerous, we can see it in the worries that we have about Artificial Intelligence that they will be perfect, better than us. We could handle naïve and foolish but perfect makes us feel inadequate and irrelevant, a mind without empathy and failings that terrifies us.

Why then do we strive to being perfect ourselves, why do we even want to be robots, is it that we subconsciously believe that by being perfect that we get to live forever, be present eternally, that only the perfect remain and everything is discarded like quality assurance on a production line. Gods lasts forever but we do not and somehow we have decided that it our fault for being imperfect for being less than gods is what condemns us. However we have something that the gods envy, we have experience, we can find joy in the moment, we get to laugh and love intensely, we get to matter to what is happening now, and it is up to us to be present to this opportunity, it is uniquely human, it our treasure and ours alone.

That is the grace that is worth pursuing and every time we fall is another chance to find it in the moment that it happens, and it takes practise, especially as adults we do not just get to find, we are stuck in our pride and self-image. Children find it by chance, when they fall there is a random chance that they will either cry or laugh, there is no sense or consistency to the outcome but both have an equal chance of occurring, though the reaction of the parent does have an impact, if you smile at your child when they fall they are more likely to laugh and if your reaction is concern and horror then you are more likely to get the crying. Whilst we can learn from children that both options are on the table, it also worth concerning our reactions to other people when they fall, if we laugh at them we make falling into failing and if we laugh with them we support them in getting the joke, that is the mature and compassionate response, and by having it for others, we have a greater chance of having it for ourselves.

Though it is really up to you, as to how you react to falling, you are not a child, you get to decide, if others do not get the joke that is on them and not your problem, as long as you do that is all that matters, and it only by example that you get to change the world. You are only responsible for your little corner of the world, that is what is in your control and how you operate in that space is the limit of how much grace you can bring into the world, and the reason for doing so is only up to you, but once you feel how much better grace feels than dignity or perfectionism, it is hard to be any other way in the world, and that my hope, that self-interest ultimately leads to a better world, if only because there does not seem to be any other way, and every time the world falls, everyone gets hurt, but there is always the chance that we learn together the lessons that will in the end make the world better for everyone.

However like every lesson, we have to learn it for ourselves first, before it can be shared with everyone, every idea, new way of being starts with individuals first, then others learn from their example (not preaching or bullying). It is by putting our own air masks on first that we get to help others, so if you have to be the first person to make a fool of themselves, that is the price you pay to be the first to be a better person, because that is only thing between you and the presence of grace, ease and joy in your life, it is by the grace of getting up again that we enter the door towards being present with such a state, and the price of admission is just accepting your own failings, limits, awkwardness, who you are as a imperfect fool and whom will fall many times, and the only grace that matters is knowing that it does not matter how you do it, just get up again.