Up and down life's ladder?

It is a common hope that one day we will arrive in the promised land where we are free of worries and suffering, where everyday is a good day and stress is a forgotten concept. The notion arises because we can all remember a moment where that might have been true, a summer's day from long ago when we were lying in a field of long grass, we had nowhere to go, nothing to do except look up at the sky, watch the clouds, let the day drift by and life feel calm. However memories are selective, looking back I know that afternoon was surrounded by all the trouble of life, teenage anxiety, exams, girls, all the normal things. Though that memory still teases me that things really can be peaceful and calm, I desire a way back to that good place, but the reality is that there is always suffering of some sort or another, we can only hope for a restoration to a point lower down on the ladder of suffering that is life, where it felt less like suffering and more like part of the journey towards a better place, we need to change our relationship to the ladder because it is not going anyway.

Our life experience teaches us that there are times when you are higher up the ladder, the air gets thinner and all you want is to be lower down, there are medical emergencies, grief, financial problems, lost love, unfilled desires, even suffering at suffering, these are all things that takes us higher on the ladder of suffering, we all feel less stable when life throws drama at us. It can feel like a relief when problems disappear, it is a restoration to a better place, lower down on the ladder, but you do not get to step off that ladder, it is still there and each rung has it's own source of suffering. An old step might be forget until you step on it again, it may have been overlooked whilst you were dealing with higher, more immediate problems, but as soon as you step down, it is waiting to burst into your consciousness again, an old irritation springs back into life. That is why working on yourself never seems to be done, the lower you go, the more steps there are.

However is there hope, are you stuck on a ladder for life, well yes and no, the ladder is always there but feeling stuck is entirely up to you. If you think that anywhere except being on that ladder would be better, then the ladder becomes part of your suffering, if on the other hand, you start enjoying the ladder, being amused by it's infinite nature, if you can make a game of how many step you can jump down in one go, if you observe how quickly you can be forced up without even realising it and you can learn to control your assent.

You can become skilful at navigating the ladder, even just realising that there is a ladder and you are on it, is a massive leap forward, the ladder is after all supported by your life, the angle of it is decided by you. If you allow it to act like a winnable game with set rules like snakes and ladders, every time you move up or down, it will either be a comparative disaster or a boost, when really there is nothing to win by getting to the top or bottom, you need to start enjoying the game itself. You want to avoid starting to feel like a victim, especially when the cost of doing so is to give up your personal freedom to effect your life, which is a price I am never willing to pay despite the comfort that blaming something or someone else can give you.

As when you are a victim the only way to win is by finishing the game, and this is one game you do not want to win rather you want to enjoy playing the game for as long as it is fun, and the ladder can be fun, there is nothing wrong with enjoying playing for lower stakes for awhile, getting to the lower rungs of the ladder. Whether someone likes you or not is a lower rung problem without major consequences, there is always someone else to worry about later and learning to know how you felt before protects from becoming as involved next time. The lower rungs are the training ground for higher problems, it is where you learn your balance, you get use to not being fully in control and what freedom of movement you always have, including the freedom to just enjoy where you are without fighting to reach the bottom that will never come. It is worth experimenting with the tightness of your grip, how much effort you are putting in to just staying in one place, when the truth is that a firm grip does not have to be strong, it can be light but sure and confident, you do not have to put all your effort into keeping hold of the ladder, even if the heights can scare you.

It is in taking a relaxed stance on the ladder that you can appreciate the view from up there, after all you have spent your life climbing the damn ladder so you might as well enjoy it, as you can not have gotten so high without a lot of living, having a lot of problems that you overcame by your skill and daring nature. No one is forcing you to play, you started to climb that ladder of life when you decided to pursue a desire, a want even if it was just to get to better place than you were in before, to get off the ladder. It might seem to promise that it is going somewhere but the ladder is not responsible for that, you are, you decided that it must reach up to somewhere, you projected it on to the ladder, it never promised you that, all it can give you is one step at a time, it helps to divide the world with all it complication into small manageable steps for you to climb one at a time, nothing more, nothing less.

It is up to you how you climb that ladder, whether you remember to enjoy each step, cherish each one for the gift that it is, that you get to focus all of your energy in anyway you want on each problem as they arise is a gift, it gives you a chance and that is all you get in this world. You have the opportunity to solve problems to grow into a master problem solver, or at least act with grace, ease and joy with each issue that comes along, often in the form of other people, and tomorrow you get to do the same again, that is why the ladder is always there to help you, life is never boring and when do get quiet moments, appreciate that they are momentary, you still get to enjoy laying in a field of grass and look up at the sky, enjoy it as it is happening, there might always be clouds but the one you are looking at is unique to that moment. It is the fact that they are impermeant that makes them so precious and beautiful, as is the ladder because it gives us the gift of movement of switching from one level of suffering to another, to have the feeling of joy at the contrast and each step is itself the good place, it just does not last forever.

That is the illusion that we must fight, that things should be permeant, that suffering serves no purpose when it is the guide that shows us that life is dynamic, changes with time and that the skilful use of time is the best use of our life. Time is the only universal constant resource that none of us can change and it is what makes our lives exciting and dramatic, decisions have consequences, they have effects. It is our choices that matter, especially the responsibilities we choose to take on, which will lead to suffering, but that suffering is lessened by the fact that we choose them. The rewards are rare, however the quality of our suffering is what marks out a life well spent, so decide how high you can go on the ladder, make your life hard and the view will be spectacular.